Having children is a blessing. It is a miracle. The feelings of love, happiness and joy you experience are unparalleled. So are the feelings of disgust, terror and utter disbelief at the number of gross things you do and touch when you get an upgrade to “parent” status.
For every mother in the world this is the daily reality of bearing children. No matter your age, income, colour or country there are few things as effective as the gross thing’s kids do that create common ground and connect us all in “mum-hood.”
From that first nappy to wall smeared art, poo is one of the first things a new parent must get comfortable with. Children love it. They love to play with their poo, smear it on things and some even like to eat it.
Most of all, when they are sick or just eat something not quite right for them… it will grow like a sea monster quickly spreading from the confines of the trusted nappy up their necks, out to their fingertips and down their chubby little thighs you will probably find yourself wondering… “why on earth did I ever think having children was a good idea?”
Just like poo but not as staining, wee is one liquid that all mothers are well acquainted with! From the initiation of being peed on at change time (and if you are the mum of a boy this could well land on your face), to the constant flow of wee stained undies at toilet training time (and yes the smell does stain your hands)… urine is as common to a mother as water to a duck.
Milk vomit, food vomit, reflux, and gastro. Vomit in all its glorious forms starts from when your child is a newborn and doesn’t stop… EVER!
Long after your babe has stopped pooing and weeing on you, there will still be vomit – even when they are a late teenager coming home after a few too many experimental drinks… your darling babes will spew near (if not on) you!
Green, yellow, lumpy and running. Children, and young children especially seem to leak from their nose like a tap. They will smear it across their face, it will drip down your arm and they will run from you every time you try to get a tissue near them!
Children leave a lot of things unfinished. And nothing more so than their food! As a parent it can be a daily ritual to find half-eaten pieces of fruit, squashed sandwiches, and of course the day-old scotch finger biscuit waiting for you in your favourite places – the backseat of the car, behind the couch, under the bed, smashed into toys and rubbed into the carpet.
The best is when the food is combined with snot making it extra crispy, extra mouldy and extra gross!
Blood. Most women are accustomed to dealing with blood (hello aunt flow). But, when it comes to your children it’s not just their blood you have to deal with… it is the emotion that comes from the wound that is bleeding, it is the blood when they pick at their scabs, the blood of others that they come in contact with, blood mixed with dirt and sweat and all other types of matter, like snails and bugs and stuff.
If reading the word Lice makes you scratch a little, you are not alone. The sheer effort to remove lice from your children’s head and your home once the little mites have invaded can feel impossible.
Sitting and picking them one-by-one from each strand of your child’s hair is really the only way to guarantee you get them all (or you could shave it off), but even after you disinfect and remove all evidence of the creatures the fear of a reinvasion can make the faintest tinge feel like an itch!
As you can see parenthood is a messy, quite often gross and germ-ridden line of work. No matter the day or time, you are only one moment away from having to touch something that makes your face resemble the vomit emoji!
But above all else the most disgusting thing you will encounter is the mess at the bottom of the soaking bucket, when all of the above are left to fester for a day….
The only thing worse than poo, wee, vomit, snot, old food, blood, and lice – is them mixed together, in water, germinating and festering… this is why we invented the Strucket – so you can touch less mess.
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